Losing Eric seems like a nightmare I keep waiting to wake from. He was only 29, a kind, loving, intelligent, funny, and thoughtful person. Throughout his life, Eric shared many laughs and adventures with his friends and family. He enjoyed good conversation, enthusiastically discussing life and spirituality. Eric loved to make people laugh, delivering wry insights and hilarious impressions with a twinkle in his eye.
He was kind to everyone he met and always made time to be there for the people he loved.
And though Eric experienced many joyous times in his life, he also struggled with depression and addiction. My brother fought hard to overcome these obstacles, a battle familiar to many people. And as hard as he tried to make things better, as much as others did and said all they could to help, this has still come to pass. For a long time I feared losing him, something I tried to rationalize as too awful to ever become reality. And then it did.
Right now my family is struggling to heal, to pick up the pieces of our lives, while simultaneously grieving and missing Eric. Sometimes doing these things seem mutually exclusive. Because how can you smile or laugh or enjoy even the smallest of things when doing so seems impossible or disloyal or simply unfair because he's gone? The first couple weeks I could hardly eat or sleep and each day and night blended together. Impossibly, these past two months have seemed but a moment and an eternity.
I miss my brother with every ounce of my being. I know I'll miss him every single day for the rest of my life. But all the love he shared with me makes me feel like he'll never really be gone. I wouldn't be me without him.
I'm all out of words. But I'm going to keep living and writing and holding my brother in my heart.
4 comments:
This is just so moving and beautiful. I don't know how one manages to get through a tragedy other than one day at a time. I will continue to hold Eric and family in my prayers <3
Beautifully said, my Dear Lara. we're on the same page. Keep writing. It's your gift.
Dear Lara,
Thank you for sharing from your heart openly about your feelings about the loss of your Brother.
Although I cannot imagine exactly how you feel your words brought me close to your heart.
Time does help but it goes by too slowly when your in pain.
I wish I would have had the opportunity to spend time with Eric and hope that sometime our paths (yours and mine) will cross.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever want to come and visit please do.
Until then, much love to you. You have so many beautiful memories of your Brother, I hope I get to hear more over time.
Much love and many prayers.
Karen
[…] all still struggling with the loss of our dear Eric and dealing with it as best we can. It was really good to spend time […]
Post a Comment